Places to Entertain One's self(Reviews)

Within this post
Reviews of "THE FALL"
Sala Rossa (for Eats)
Distillerie
Juicy Lotus
Hooka Lounge

Waking up at 6am to only be met with a a rather sharp and embarrassing fall during the slippery madness that was this city was the perfect way to sum up my time since i have not been contributing to this blog.



The word embarrassing is mildly misleading. As if anyone is walking on Oxford besides me. This city might as well be abandoned whenever i head to work. The only other employees are at other cafes and making bagels at St Viateur nearby. The sound of vacuums and loud music sometimes echoes down the street, like bungee chords tethering me to an awakened state. those of us who work early shifts live a very different life than the typical worker of my age. Our partying has to come at a well calculated and manipulated expenditure of energy as opposed to the power of impulse. It's fairly alien, the responsibility i've assumed on myself. my absolute fixation on control, the way my body no longer writhes at all times to move, to touch, to meet, to harpoon and sink ships. my body has become a port, leaning itself out as the definition on all parts of my body is starting to show through sweaters and high collared peacoats. my skin has taken on an almost luminescent quality and my lips no longer dry out with the wind but are growing to darker and darker shades of crimson red as my teeth are getting pearly white once again.

So much has happened, yet so little in the past while. my nights have consisted of randomness beyond random. the coincidences are once again ravaging my calculated brain as the only bar i found on christmas eve happened to have two hasidic jews on television as my jewish friend and i drove up realizing that this is the bar we walked home from 3 years ago and became close because. The night of christmas i found myself in a crowded Korova's sitting quietly on a couch professing my love to a blonde women at one point and at other's chatting up old friends only to leave me sick to my stomach and the quick need to dissappear like i often do.

Comparitively to this time last year i am a shining example of young responsibility and adulthood as opposed to a compulsive need to be out and about every night. The only nights that remind me of last year, as vague as the memories have become, are the sudden bouts of over indulgence on alcohol. the memories sometimes seep into view like a dirty mist, just beyond the sight line are the words and the feelings of vacancy but they evaporate instead of blind, they dissipate instead of coagulate. As itzel and i drank at distillerie i did not watch my intake properly and found myself rather impaired and still drunk upon arriving at work at 7:30am. We also saw "The Day The Earth Stood Still" before smoking 7ieme Ciel at Hooka Lounge on Saint denis bobbing our heads to "TV on the Radio," "Ratatat," and the "Stills" while discussing a variety of topics. i'm suprisingly candid with her, no bullshit, just straight up talk from serious to childish. If anyone hasn't been to Hooka Lounge they should make a point of going. in fact it's wonderfully homey with a fireplace and a variety of different seating arrangments from cute crevices on wooden benches, to side by side couches and day beds next to the fireplace with a place for your tea, your booze, and of course your shisha. the crowd is fairly hip but you won't find obnoxious in your face jocks or rambling giants with their arms in your way. it's darkly lit and well decorated to take you away from the city and into a dark corner of a jungle, or to whimsical realm that is very much needed in this weather.

My love affair with distillerie is still as strong as it's ever been. i've yet to have a bad night there and often go with only a single other friend and manage to spend just the right amount of time before feeling antsy whilst laughing at the sometimes gross you out crowd, or the over the top loudness of some large group that really has no place to be there. the music is always fun to reminice over while ordering a large drink, or even a half size. if you're feeling especially extravagant they even offer beverages in large flute glasses, adorable and classy.

Last night i ventured to au vivre for dinner only to find it closed but managed ot think on my feet while in a large windstorm. the windstorm even managed to rip the door of java u off of it's hinges the other day at the very end of my shift as i laughed at my exhaustion and the ridiculousness of spring temperatures, tornadoe like winds, and a mini cyclone to an already hectically hungover day. But i digress, running across the street i mounted the stairs to the extravagantly theatrical "Sala Rossa" for dinner. AS i have only ever spent the evening engaged to music in their grand concert hall i was in for a pleasant surprise with my fried tofu sandwich as my family ordered traditional spanish dishes. I've fallen in love with the "Godfather." No, not the film but the simply made sipping drink on the rocks. It's half jameson, half amaretto as to knock the sweetness of the amaretto to a tolerable level. My dinner was superb, the music was off kilter and engaging, and the place filled up quickly with others. People sat around playing cards and the high ceilings lead to a large echoe of conversations across the great room. The waiters are extremely engaging and polite with the surface being somewhat slow, but simply because of the length it takes to make some dishes. the company was enjoyable, the vibe was lowkey, and my mind was able to find a little bit of peace.

I also suggest everyone watch "The Fall," because you'll be in for an extremely rich visual treat that only that movie can contain. It is a bewitching fairy tell for adults, full of humour, period pieces, and more importantly strong imagination and great themes . The acting is superb but takes a backseat to the swampingly enticing visuals and inventive techniques used to show off the 4 year filming process across 16 countries.

As for new years, feel free to call me. as of now i have a gazillion plans but plan on ending up at the neon after party by the end of it all. i will also be at a studio party and who knows where else. the good times are killing me.

Finally,
For the last time, if you are into organic, vegetarian, or vegan food please make the effort to stop by Juicy Lotus located on Monkland. It's run by Jesse, the sweetest women in the world and all of the employees are beyond personable. The food is all made ready to go with a great selection of 50% off goodies made the day before and juices, waters, and beverages found rarely anywhere else. She makes ridiculously amazing peanut sauce, putting the famous 2 dollar noodle to shame, as well as an amazing vegan meat loaf. actually everything is amazing. she brings a smile to my face and upon mentioning her to my owner and the offer of employmet at one point he said, "ill kill her, no one takes you."

bahaha

Music
SEcret Rooms by Grand Ronde. It's a full album. Feel free to hypem them. They have a great style similar to the stills or the strokes but great for winter.

Pretty simple..

I'm going to ignore writing anything meaningful or strong in the post.

I recently viewed "The Diving Bell and The Butterfly," and i think it was not overexposed at all. within the first few minutes it was ridiculously easy to tell that you are indeed viewing something special, unique, and groundbreaking. It is an insane illustration of just what good cinematography and editing can do to saturate the viewer in a film. I was enthralled by the use of comedy, blurring techniques, and even vague views of the protagonist before he is finally revealed. The film leaves you disoriented, hopeful, and even brings laughter out of the deepest depths of your soul even through the bleakest moments. Throughout the movie i found myself wrapped in a large quilt and dealing with a nausea brought to me through the first person perspective and at sometimes felt the characters sheer amount of awkwardness pervade my skin. I recommend everyone watch it.

"A fly lands on my face. I wriggle my head to dislodge it. The fly sticks on tight. Olympic Wrestling has nothing on this."

In the comedy section i strongly recommend everyone should watch Hamlet 2, nowhere as funny as pineapple express but it certainly stands on it's own two feet, if only for some brilliant one liners and great actors.


Music for the night
Jonezetta's New Album.

indie rock at it's finest...

death of the sidekick

Here it goes,
i have not been this happy in over 2 years. It has taken me a full on year to conquer myself again as opposed to being a side-kick or the proverbial dumb friend who sometimes talks. I was shackled to an idea and then i was shackled to a friend with a persona placed upon me that was by no means me. i was holed up and shelled in pretending i was less than what i am, completely and utterly sacrificing myself, my promise, for a lowdown unenthusiastic side-liner. It was as if i've been sitting on the bench for 2 years at all the best games but never got to run a play, never scored a goal, or carried the ball past the red zone.

It's the holidays and for once it doesn't feel like them in the least. i'm neither depressed, lonely, or even worried (apparently i should be?) about my social interactions with people. i've met a constant influx of people and enjoy the free gifts given to me through pedestrians and people seeing me at my best. every day i lose a little more weight, a little more of the pathetic excuse for a human i was, and i lose more shackles and chains. my skin is becoming more clear and my stride has become stronger with eyes like daggers and words tumbling out as kisses and embraces are welcomed.

sometimes i write about how we should all look back at the giant rivers of our lives, of the way every different person that lives inside of us is a stream that flows into a tributary and mixes to form the sediment of who we are today. instead, at this point of time in the year, i say we should look forward. WE should look past the current economic crisis, the global recession, and the unsure political footing of our neighbours. we should look at what we most want for ourselves because being selfish is the only way most of us live these days but i believe we should try and do more for those less fortunate or even give a smile or a polite compliment to a stranger.

i am not by any means becoming more human. in fact my emotions are shedding constantly and i'm left with nothing but an utter weightlessness. i am left to float as a cloud to whatever takes me and along the jetstream of life with the hollowness inside of me that people find the need to talk to because it's so easy to throw your words into a hole as opposed to a wall. my outside is warm but my innerdepths are frosty like the weather and refined. i only desire art and film. i desire literature and poetry and i had denied my need for so long to fit into their social strata. i was so much more before all of us this, and i am becoming so much more once again.

these last few days have been utterly insane and i am so incredibly elated by the sanctuary that is myself. the walls that make up my life are so very clear and i have stopped being mousy and sacrificing bits and pieces of myself because i am supposed to be funny, or easy to deal with, or the butt of a joke.

happy holidays... i confused all the jewish people at my work. they all decided i was catholic, or christian, but i smiled and said "hornstein" and their look of disbelief was almost tragic. Then i said, "but in actuality i'm an atheist, i don't live for heaven." It's true. i also don't want to die peacefully in a bed, too tired to stand up and needing the aid of a walker when i look back at my exploits. instead i wish to die through a vicarious act, a daredevilish stunt, or fighting for something....


"The only disease you ever had was cholera"
"No mama, you confuse cholera for love."

Song,
none
ill post one later.

Can't Deal(Opinionated)

I am growing so ridiculously tired of older people trying on some level to communicate with me. It is somewhat appalling when a 58 year old tells me he is nothing but a grown up teenager while telling me the follies of my facial piercing. In fact, relating it to growing your hair long during your generation just takes away from what my nose piercing really means to me. Any sort of body modification that's visible or left hidden on my body serves more of a purpose than to differentiate myself from mass society or for style. As lame as it is, i only change my body to signify deep meaning or emotional growth or stability.

I am also fairly confused as to why random people wish to tell me their life problems, their sex lives, and then ask me advice. Simply put, i'm 21 and you should have more of an idea than a coffee shop employee about life. My sly grin may seem welcoming but underneath i'm buffeted with constant, "why? Why? why?" I wish i could just play dead sometimes and that subtlety wasn't lost in conversations.

Locking the door at work at 8 o clock being fed up with a rather homicidal door slamming open with the torrential wind lead to a funny excursion of energy as i had to lock and unlock the door for every client. that and dealing with a bell technician to fix a broken phone line when i have absolutely no idea what is going on makes my life comical. what was not comical in the least was the 2 absolutely stunning women who i chatted up for the majority of my shift and they once again made me want to go back to school for ALL the wrong reasons.

I met 2 people that beat lung cancer after smoking for 30 years and they showed me their surgical scars. don't get me wrong, i'm happy for your family and friends that you are healthy but i don't see how in any regards i'm supposed to take that. other than saying, "wow congratulations," like some push button response. my father says i've trapped myself in a role where i can't ever care about people anymore because it's what i believe is expected to me. i do my best to be nice, fun, compassionate but caring is a rather off-putting word to me. i've shed that skin.

In News,
George bush has amazing reflexes to dodge 2 shoes while in the middle of a speech without even thinking. he should have been an athlete, not the leader of the free world. the poor buffoon, i'm sure he laughed it off later but really, having shoes thrown at you during a press conferance is absolutely ridiculous. it's like a pie in the face. only worse because the journalist is now out a pair of leather shoes. How horrible for him, and not very forward thinking.

I don't know if any of you have seen the new Maple Leaf Foods ads about their renewed commitment to quality control and now it's their commitment. I don't understand why they didn't have all of these safeguards before. It seems redundant to cheer about the utmost safety and care your company is putting into their products after the listerosis event as opposed to making sure it didn't happen before. Hell, it's one more reason not to eat meat or any animal products in my opinion. then again, ecoli tomatoes and black widow spiders in grapes make eating any food a dangerous investment. With that said, i am terrified of what GMOs may do to us in the future. i'm trying my best to eat organic food but it's not possible for me to do it all the time.

Song for the night
Bjork -It's in our Hands(RMX)
http://blog.7yearglitch.com/audio/IT%27S%20IN%20OUR%20HANDS%20(SOFT%20PINK%20TRUTH%20MIX).mp3

OH,
and for some reason i really want to go to a nu ravers or peer pressure event again....
it might have been the apartment party that sparked my interest again... damn you nick...

Crazy People

Oddly enough, those people i always walked around are now understood by me. Once at "Juicy Lotus" today to get some delicious eats, the store owner gave me free containers of tofu and salad followed by a whole lot of bread. The bread was not for me. Strangely (compassionately) enough, it was for the pigeons and the squirrels who are starving in this weather. I always complained loudly about the rats with wings that pigeons represent to me, but then again i don't really mind rats or mice either and don't understand the whole "hooha" except for the fecal matter they leave behind.

So i honoured her request and found myself standing in a small park throwing bread at starving pigeons listening to loud techno and slightly dancing off of the crowded strip. I earned strange glares from passerbys but found it somewhat satisfying to give the poor creatures some form of sustenance, even if they are nothing but disease ridden shit machines.

This morning was also a lovely walk through puffy snow without many people on the street on a lazy sunday. I was offered advice on how to fix my large ceiling problem from people who really have no idea what they are talking about but was followed kindly by a discussion about women ad calling back. My answer was to simply play aloof and drop it if she hasn't replied. Therefore they are simply not worth the added time if they don't call back. In fact, you should thank them because they are not furthuring the waste of time they could pose. His reply, flattering enough, was that, "Look Josh, I don't have the big baby eyes and teenage girls throwing themselves at me on a daily basis. I get envious watching you work, if i had it at your age..." I know i'm overly flirtatious but i'm not too sure about the "throwing themselves" comment nor have i ever been told i have baby eyes, more like a baby face, even with my terrorist beard going on.

There was more but i'm partially braindead from exhaustion. At least Sean Avery has been kicked off of the Dallas Stars for referring to Elisha Cuthbert as "Sloppy Seconds." Really now, she's way past seconds.

Lastly apparently we're only in the first 3rd of the economic recession, it's going to get worse my friends and i hope we're all prepared. I need a career path asap so i can start making money and have my loft, huskey, fine wine, and good music with a view. it's all i need.

Song For the Night
The Birds and the Bees- My Love
http://boxstr.com/files/4353619_8buim/02%20My%20Love.mp3

so good so so soooo goood.

Bonus
Little Joy-the next time around

http://earitnow.com/uploads/mp3s/littlejoy/01-little_joy-the_next_time_around.mp3

sleep well, catch me at bluedog possibly(but not fairly likely) tonight.


OMG
Lily allen and her bum bum
http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/famecrawler/archive/2008/01/02/lily-allen-shares-too-much-information-about-her-sex-life.aspx

Something's different (Plumbing Problems Forever)

The holiday season does not by any means feel like any other holiday season that i have ever walked through. it could be the constant news of the global recession or my fairly new atheistic belief system. It might be the fact that for once in a fairly long time i am free of bonds and no longer considered an accessory or sidekick but have once again, after many years, asserted myself as my own strong willed individual. I may be a bit of a Goff these days with an overly confident attitude but none the less it leads to more grins and constant jokes around the town.

As selfish as i may seem i often deal out good will and nights out simply because i enjoy watching someone have fun. The fun another person can have isn't tempered by my lackluster side. the part of me that is completely and utterly dissociated from humanity, emotional empathy, and points even destructive and vindictive. Therefore i can watch as someone enjoys their time with my inner monster locked tight in his cage without risking the chance for it to make a leaping dash for the door as i could open it a bit with temptation.

Inside of me there are two unique individuals. Their flooding of my veins can change my gestures, my temperament, and even the way my stride is played out. I have become increasingly more aware over the last 3 years that if i do not keep the reigns on one that personality tends to get the best of me and override any sense or understanding i have as it fights to protect me, and only me. it is my monster that craves the conflict, destruction, and the revealing of the fragility of mental states and physical mass. In that regard, i feel that people should understand by now that these distinct personalities are for the most part friendly unless united whole heartedly in a cause. AS one personality slips over another it often feels like the first hit of a drug, the first influx of love, the second kiss and the first glance of a naked lover. It's exciting to let go but i need to maintain the kinder personality for the sake of evolving and playing nice in the proverbial sandpit that is life.

In real life, my plumbing problems have once again returned with a vengence. For those of you that have known me for a long time, a while back i awoke to a jetstream of hot water firing from the sink and down through 3 stories of a house in westmount. at the time i heard it, i believed others in the house were taking an extra large shower and cuddled comfortably in a large bed refusing to acknowledge the problem until a later time.

Later that year i awoke on the couch, drunk from a bottle of vodka and a broken heart, to yet another house flooded by a finicky toilet and a yelling landlord. This year i show up at JAva-U under Reno. I'm talking we need Holmes on Homes on this shit. My first trepadatious step upon viewing a man pulling down the ceiling was into plaster and water gushing from the ceiling. It hasn't stopped gushing, in fact we set up a barricade and made an ice slick from a full garbage can of water. right now, at this very moment, it is probably overflowing another garbage can so i can go swimming in java-u when i open tomorrow. Ironically, yesterday i pretended that i was in a canoe and canoed around java u with a tiki stick claiming i had just returned from safari while singing along to the greatest hits of the 90s.

I can not wait for the mess i will be welcomed with in the morning.

I have also taken my leave from partying, constantly, for nights of sleep in these cold of days. last night i texted people while watching scary movies and tonight, i apparently look a lot like shaggy from scooby doo because of my hair do and green v. I also just had a conversation about being an atheist with the pizza shop owner. i am fairly tired from lunesta.

Song for night.
NIN-Echoplex

http://www.culturebully.com/the-hub-tuesday-november-25-2008- scroll down for direct link

funny because im listening to iron and wine...

oh welll.


ps
i had a dream that we were married in field with rings i had surged the globe for, just so i could say i had found love, conquered love, but then i felt the need to destroy it. the ring couldn't come off and soon felt heavy and worn, cutting off circulation and turning my finger shades of blue and purple. i yelled as my eyes fixated solely on the golden band that meant promises forever and i kissed her back but i felt a connection no longer. split second rage, i ran to the sea with an old swiss army knife and a bottle of alcohol. i splayed my finger from my hand, ring and all, before relinquishing this anchor into the sea.

marriage i am warry of.

i can not be owned.... and i will not be your "and"

So sorry,

I do not understand how Bangkok Express found it impossible to concoct a vegan version of their pad thai. The only reason i could give is that it's possibly egg noodles, but i know beyond any semblance of doubt that they utilize rice noodles. I am left with only one solution, they are lazy.

After being fairly inebriated at tokyo bar last night, i woke up with my old pad thai urge to ease away the malicious throb in my noggin. I was disappointed by their inability to appease my desires and headed to work to pick up my check and then back to the organic grocery store to get a couple of bottles of non-alcoholic wine, whole wheat linguini, and a jar of tomato basil pasta sauce to mix with my veggie ground meat for a fairly simple yet satisfying dinner along with some honey garlic tofu. The proverbial "Bee's Knees" was my once a year indulgence in ice cream. the culprit, the fattener, was a delicious mint chocolate flavoured vegan ice cream. such bliss.

It's oddly comforting being known on my street by so many people and passerbys who wave as i chug along the slippery sidewalk with bags full of groceries and a head full of wonder. Being met with friendly gazes, warm eyes, and certain gestures definetly brings a sense of calm to my life.


happy slippery days everyone, i know my hangouts of late have been fun and my talks with random strangers have been more appetizing recently. i want to take it all in and spit it out. i'm getting so very detached from feelings, from feeling anything for longer than a brief instance in time. there is no pull and my dreams are becoming more opaque than colourful. i know the few interpersonal strong bonds i have are drawn over long distances and different events and the subtle ease at which it would be to pluck them even more so, one by one, so each string rings out and exits my life.

freedom is what i longed for, freedom is what i have.

song for the night...
gregory and the hawk - grey weather (no link)

oh.
ps.
one out of every four people have an undiagnosed psychotic disorder and sometimes we just think they are personality quirks. gravely mistaken.

Snowy Weather.

The newspaper was somewhat uninteresting today and waking up to get to work by 6:30am was a bigger struggle than usual. Thankfully my ipod accompanied me as i jogged in the snow before the sun was up to get to work before being somewhat disorganized with my opening shift, bothered by landlords, milk delivery men, and my extreme fatigue left me with a rather warm spot inside that enjoyed watching people slip and slide their way into the store to find some sort of refuge from the ongoing snow storm outside. The clients were much more enjoyable today but i lethargically kept a slow and even pace while taking orders simply because i was day dreaming about possibilities and minor satisfactions or indulgences.

The oddest feeling of the day was slight tempering of the waters around my emotional core, but i assume it was simply from the snow and the secluded feeling that permeated the store s the ceiling dripped and i joked around with those who also found themselves half frozen and dying for warmth. the snowtorm is so incredibly pretty, if somewhat foreboding, and brings to mind certain movies like "Serendipity" or other cornball romances. i like the untouched snow and the distance from other people whilst trudging through the snow with brow down as everybody tries to keep it out of their eyes. we're much more cut-off in winter but excitingly places of warmth find a new cozy feeling.

All i want to do is curl up on the couch with merlot wrapped ina quilt with good music on the speakers and my own heartbeat slowly thumping along to guitar and violin chords. Neil Hamstead is killing me right now, his new album is absolutely stunning and leaves me swooning left and right like a small pine caught in a windstorm. It's so weird how music is the one thing that can make me feel "love" anymore. the slight tingle in my spine and the upward point of my chin. i love dancing or singing along behind the cash while making lattes. doing the twist to 50s music or just swaying to low-fi acoustic sets. music, i find, is the last thing i can feel intimate with and love towards.

Yet again, i apparently give the most amazing hugs affectionately overwhelming and comforting but i don't know why. i'm getting so very bony again so it can't be mass, i'm simply assuming it's the warmth that wants to come out.

In the weird and strange, a man was caught with over 1000 stolen packages and letters in his house, most unopened, he just horded them. what a dick! Numerologists are also saying that Obama won't be around to run for a second term and that i's absolutely horrible.

Anyways, music for the day
ALL OF NEIL HAMSTEADS NEW ALBUM IF YOU CAN GET IT

Faunts-Feel. Love. Thinking. Of.

http://friendlyfirerecordings.com/mp3/01_Feel.Love.Thinking.Of.mp3

On to other matters(Good news)

I am completely physically and emotionally wrecked. My body can't even prop itself for longer than 30 minutes after the heavy duty amounts of work i've been doing. The exam season has certainly gave J-U ridiculous amounts of fluttering bird like students frantically rattling papers and typing on their laptops for last minute papers and exam crams. The scholarly challenge has proved to crack some of the clients as they have begun to ask me if caffeine is good to study with. The answer is no, simply no. You're just speed reading as opposed to absorbing but then i wouldn't make ANY money now would i.

Upon waking up this morning i immediatly mumbled a rather vulgar italian swear and began to shiver at the lowered temperatures and frosty floor. Stretching my back out, i lurched awkwardly to the bathroom before adorning my hoody, long jacket, toque, and a pair of grey pin striped slacks. Slacks are far more comfortable than skinny jeans and indeed make moving around a ton easier. Freedom is the word i am looking for. The oddest thing was that my arm was covered in my blood, but i figure my eye scab just fell off, at least i hope.

We're back to being understaffed at Java-U which means less time for my morning indulgence(reading the paper) and more running around ignoring the more pretentious clients while making jokes and flirtations with the more friendly and appealing clients. Today was particularly bad as i found myself exhausted from the lack of any sleep thanks to a rather hectic week spent taking care of a friend while losing others and healing my face. Every single day i see and make conversation with students i find myself longing to be back in there, moving towards something with a purpose and commitment stronger than i could have carried without this work expierence.

Taking time off is a very smart idea.

Yesterday's snowstorm left a sour taste in my mouth but spending an hour at Ben and Jerry's with lovely faced starbucks employee made the day somewhat better and today's large thank you to a long shift was a customer bringing me a glass of rich red wine simply because i "looked like i needed it" and the bank tellers being especially nice to me on the fact that my eye is finally looking normal again. My coworker also bought me delicious snacks from the organic grocery store upon seeing how absolutely tuckered and worn out i was. today was back to being lovely, no hateful words, or vindictive ill will.

Finally, Al, a regular at J-U told me his million dollar idea and i think it could very well work out and i love having even-handed yet opinionated discussions with him about human behaviour and societies state. Today a new client spent 10 minutes discussing stocks with me and i hope he becomes a regular too because his conspiracy theories are absolutely magnificient.

I hope everyone exercised that right to vote today. i did it on my way to Natasha's to get my lovley AKGs and ever important ipod back and am fairly excited for good eats wednesday followed by good eats next week with yet another amazing person. Thursday's coffee meet should go particularly well,


I hope everyone is having a great beginning of their week. i think everyone needs good wishes and welcoming thoughts. we tend to be so very selfish and introverted during the holiday season due to the increased melatonin levels within our brains. if only we all had those vitamin d lamps.

Oh, and my older women came in yet again today to look absolutely stunning and have me fall slightly all over myself at work whilst speaking to her and her mother. her eyes are like ice fire and her style is more sophisticated than most. i may have a tad bit of drool on the side of my mouth but she certainly keeps me entertained.

Fujasaki- Poets Dying
http://stytzer.blogspot.com/2007/01/nothing-but-music-endless-post.html

it can be found to download by an alphabatized list...

Also
Golden Animals- Try on me
http://www.toolshed-media.com/ts/golden-animals-try-on-me.mp3

HOW TO SOLVE POTENTIAL PROBLEMS(AND GROW AS A PERSON?)

Step 1.
BE HONEST AND UP FRONT

STEP 2.
THERE IS NONE BECAUSE GENERALLY THE PROBLEM CEASES TO EXIST ONCE IT IS BROUGHT UP HONESTLY AND RESPECTFULLY.

THE END.

being perceptive and up front sometimes has horrifying consequences but i vowed to myself to never be deceive, screwed around with, or blatantly played for dumb. most problems could simply be solved by up front honesty. I don't ever get angry at situations if they're played properly,

anyways back to cooking delicious vegan food and dancing to 1930s-50s music. Work today had me singing along to 60s so i figure i'm working through my decades.

OH
sound is
Ladytron- Destroy Everything.
look for it yourself i'm lazy tonight, i work too much and had absolutely no desire to be dealing with drama after having my face beat in.

p.s.
Some people need to stop acting morally superiour and suffice to say you only judge people that horribly because you see part of yourself in those acts. We can always understand actions we are capable of doing and would rather push it away and say how horrific it is than to admit that they, themselves, are capable of such actions, if not more capable. more importantly, it's about respect and growing and few people seem capable of doing that even though they wear bigger shoes, or dress as if they are part of adult world without high school debauchery and anonymous tomfoolery or trickery. If people understood boundaries as opposed to jumped over them an individual could possibly maintain longer more fulfilling friendships and relationships as opposed to acting out the motions and reading dialogue from a preconceived script. i may not be so in charge of my feelings or actions but i am certainly become increasingly more distant to the state of affairs within a certain social tier. you don't see this happening in the lives of people who are furthuring themselves through education and even to some extent work and independant education.

there are more important things than the moment and their are consequences to acting how you feel. wre only live once, but it would make sense to make life a tad easier by understanding repercussions.


P.p.s

i WANT OT BE BACK IN SCHOOL OR RICH. IM DYING IN STUPIDITY.

ADDENDUM REDONE RETHOugHT

"You'll be the rhythm and I'll be the beat
You'll be the rhythm and I'll be the beat
Then I'll be the rhythm and you'll be the beat
And love, the shoreline, where you and I meet

Love is the harmony
Desire is the key
Love is a symphony
Come sing some with me."
Lykke Li- Melodies and Desires.


"never even scratched the surface
though you're picking through my bones
though the names and dates are altered
the story's still my own
the performance of a lifetime
my only starring role


in a cast of many thousands
no one's essential to the plot
every extra, every superstar
must now vacate the lot
in the performance of a lifetime
i make the final cut"

Charlotte Gainsbourg= JAMAIS

two songs that go exactly with my mood as of writing the last post.
i reclaimed my rhythm and my libido
Shameful to the point of which i've let toxicity permeate my skin
Disgusted at which occupies my veins
Intensified by a Vague Dissociative Mentallity
It's what i'm waiting for that counts
It's what i'm facilitating that matters.

I may have made rather repugnant comments behind some backs but i wouldn't say anything without expecting it to be heard by those involved. It's montreal, people don't have quiet mouths, and i have the least when it comes to the opinions or my own personal secrets. I however never do something intentionally to bother a friend or disregard their respect. I may have COMMITTED Some pretty horrible actions involving the deception of someone i don't know or care for. i do these actions to prove points or because it's not AFFECTING someone i care about. i keep that part locked up tight, even when every ounce of my being, my lips, and my fingertips crave to do the act with someone i shouldn't. i bleed passion when it comes to that of adulterous situations but ive always managed to never do it to friend, i just didn't have the heart to intentionally fuck with someone and not have the testerone to say it, or the confidence.

i have no problems with honesty, i have huge problems with happenings under my nose.

Being Played for Stupid

Playing me for ignorant, unaware, or unobservant is actually the most toxic action that can be done. I find it obscenely offensive and particularly disgusting. I have more cunning than i put on and most of the time i tend to act like a rather ignorant fool simply because i avoid conflict, confrontation, and mundane annoyances. This can no longer go on though. I've spent a lot of my life dealing with situations rather lightly and even scoffing at some of the more hurtful things that have been done or said to me. Any time i've been harassed verbally being called, "FAGGOT, FAIRY, COCKLOVER" or other such obscenities i've grinned passively and walked on by or continued the conversation with friends who are themselves saying how much of a "homo" i am. Recently i've been pretty tenacious with words and have been stepping up or simply arguing back. it builds and builds and occasioinally my walls overflow and the dark side of me takes over. That shadow of me is a completely different person, my antithesis, and sometimes i start to believe that it's possibly me more than the person i'm putting out.


The social, idiotic, demented joshua is just a body double for the thing i've walled up and caged in my inner most sanctums. it rattles the cage, plays games, and tenaciously roars out and looks out through my eyes. My brow furrows and my smirk is no longer goofy but intended to bear fangs and throw fists or verbal assaults on the spirit or body. People say deep down i'm still supremely loving and i am often told i am increasingly nice, if a bit schizophrenic, but under that is this thing and it's been fed without time for exercise. This week has been rather taxing as it's been getting darker earlier and earlier and my melatonin levels of course are on the fritz causing my mood disorder to certainly become more apparent. Maybe it's not my mood disorder though, maybe it's me just standing up for myself, for my intellect, for my morals.

I yelled something to the extent that after it was released i couldn't believe i said it. "SHE IS NOT A PIECE OF MEAT YOU CANT JUST SAY MAYBE THIS OR MAYBE HER. IT'S NOT FAIR AND ITS DISRESPECTFUL. HOW FUCKING DARE YOU!" and i immediatly was shocked that I, supreme masognist that i am, came out with that. Curiously, why in all of heavens would i care what someone does with someone else. I've been feeling less and less human of late, like their some things running meagerly around in some sort of simulation of life. It's almost debillitating, and each person i sleep with takes another piece of my humanity and leaves me more and more dissassociated from the individuals i'm surrounded by.

More importantly, fuck people for thinking i'm oblivious to my surroundings and social interactions. i read people like an open book, i can tell by facial contortions and muscle contractions just how what i'm doing affects you and i'll judge it and make the most of it to deduce a conclusion. People should step up and have the balls, or the respect to say things to me as opposed to trapsing around behind my back. Hell, when you're friend is bleeding would you really go home to try and fuck someone.

What the fuck?

In other news, if harper dissolves Parliament we should protest and the New York times is ridiculously good. i may not be in school but i certainly keep myself educated. it's a lot better than dealing with people. They don't know me, no one ever will. I see what's not being shown and i only show what i want to. No one will ever get in there to be with me because i only show shades of grey and i'm tired of people being so pretentious as to believe they EVEN KNOW where i'm coming from. it would make me sick.

if i thought any of it was worth it.


SONG FOR THE DAY
LILY ALLEN-FUCK YOUhttp://www.yousendit.com/transfer.php?action=batch_download&batch_id=TTZtWmdnUzhFc0ozZUE9PQ